Quaniyah started a ministry for women ages 19-29 called Rubies based off of the Proverbs 31 women
Quaniyah started a ministry for women ages 19-29 called Rubies based off of the Proverbs 31 women to let women know that no matter what you go through in life your value does not diminish in God’s eyes. She’s openly shared her story with us today, letting us know how it all began! It’s super powerful, check it out!
So tell me about your childhood. The negatives and positives, What has most likely shaped who you are today?
My mother’s father was an alcoholic but no one could deny the love he had for my mother and younger brother. At the age of 13, her father passed away from cancer devastating my mother, her brother and my grandmother. To this day, I can see the hurt in my mom, my uncle and my grandfather’s eyes on the day of his death, Father’s Day and his birthday. Even though he struggled with alcohol and abused my grandmother, they still love, adore and miss him. Growing up hearing stories about my grandfather, I would always think, “Why are you guys so sad? The man you guys mourn and care for so much would physically tear down your mother, hurt her and bruise her! Why are you so sad?” Not until my teenage years did I understand why. My mother and father were 19 years old when I was born. My mom had just graduated high school while my father ran the streets, selling drugs and doing whatever. My grandmother remarried a pastor, my papa, and told my mother that she HAD to marry my father. Having a baby unmarried was not an option. So my mother and father did just that. A few months before I was born my mom was at my father’s family house enjoying family time when one of my fathers cousin and him got into a heated argument. The argument ended with my cousin yelling out,“ that’s why KD has another baby on the way.” How devastating that must have been for my mother to be sitting in a room with this family that his this secret from her for 9 months. But she stayed with my father. For 18 years and 2 more kids, she stayed. In 2006, my mom, dad and two younger sisters moved to Georgia. I went through a major depression moving away from my family in friends to a place where all we had was each other. I cried almost everyday. I was desperate for friend, desperate for relationships. At the age of 15 my Best Friend had a huge “Sweet 16” party in New Jersey, I went. While there I took my first sip of alcohol (coming from a long line of alcoholic and drug abusers, this type of stuff never excited me) and I loved it. Everyday that I was there, we would drink and party and one day, I met this 18 yr old guy. Sadly I can’t even remember his name. But we connected. I lost my virginity to this guy with in days of meeting. I flew back to GA but we promised to keep in touch. For months we talked, and talked and then one day it just stopped. I was devastated and begin wondering what I had said wrong. What is wrong with me? Was I not good enough for him? Time went by and eventually I got over. High school rolled around and I began to date again. My first real boyfriend John. We dated for about a month before another girl called my phone telling me that she just left his house and slept with my boyfriend. Right after him. I dated one of my high-school basketball stars. Everything was going well until I started to receive stares from females and hear rumors about his other girlfriend. I confronted him and told him he had to choose her or me and he chose her. Again I’m thinking what is wrong with me. This cycle continued relationship after relationship. During this time my mom and day divorced after getting into a physical altercation and my father revealing that the woman next door was pregnant with his child. My senior year came and I started to date a boy who played basketball for my schools rival team. Within the first month we dated, I heard rumors of him sleeping with another girl but with prom approaching, I decided to sweep it under the rug. We had great chemistry. The relationship was my favorite. We would talk for hours and hours. We met each other’s families. I fell in love. That summer before college we were inseparable. He had received a full scholarship to play basketball at a school two hours away. I was heartbroken but we decided to give the long distance relationship a try. A week after him being away, I was sitting in the dining room of my best friends house making cupcakes having girl time when my friend began to complain about cramps. I looked at her crazy because no matter where we were we would always call each other and ask “Did yours start today?” Because we would always have our menstrual cycles together. They’d come the same day and last the same amount of time for the 4 years that we had been friends. So it was odd to me that she was cramping and I wasn’t. I started to think about my last period and I honestly couldn’t think. We ran to Walmart and got a pregnancy test. I took the test, stuck it in my bra so her mother wouldn’t find it and went on to making cupcakes. Hours passed and I forgot, it wasn’t until we sat down to watch spice girl did I check the test and read the word PREGNANT! I was only 17. I couldn’t tell my mom, his mom or him. I was a nervous wreck. I mustered up the courage to call him and my calls went straight to voicemail. He was mad at me for not calling him all day and decided to turn his phone. The next day, I told him and immediately he said we had to get an abortion. At this time, I wasn’t very religious but I knew that that was something I just couldn’t do. I prayed for a miscarriage. Two weeks later his mom called me and invited me to ride down to his school to see him. I accepted, excited to see him. I slept the entire car ride, when it was time to eat I just couldn’t put the fork down. His mother told me that this was when she began to wonder if I was pregnant. A month went by and my pregnancy was still a secret and we chose abortion. Because I was 17, it was hard to find a place that allowed me to get an abortion without my mom. The month was September. So He and I Decided the best thing to do was to wait until October 27th because I can do it with out my mom. But then my BestFriend was placed on punishment and her mom took her phone and read all of our messages. Her mom and my mom are BestFriends. She called my mom and told her that I was pregnant!! The secret was out. My mom called me into her room like nothing had happened and told me to close the door. She pulled out a pregnancy test and I just started to cry. She knew! She stormed out of the house angry. I didn’t know what to. About an hour later she walked into the room, came over hugged me and told me everything will be fine. She called my boyfriend, she called his mom and our secret was out. We decided to keep the baby.
After the decision to keep the baby, I began to notice my boyfriend was pulling away. We didn’t talk everyday and rumor started to come out that the girl he cheating on my with a month into our relationship claimed to be pregnant with his baby too. I cannot tell you how many pillows I soaked with tears crying over this man. That pregnancy turned out to be a fake, but I realized I was being cheated on again! And she wasn’t the only girl before my son was born I lost count at 7 girls but I stayed. I loved him, I loved the thought of having a family. On April 12,2011 we gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. My pregnancy sucked. I cried most of it. I never forgot at a 6 month check up when my doctor looked at me and said,“ your baby can sense what you’re feeling. If you keep stressing you’re going to lose this baby”. The last few months of my pregnancy I got back into church. I gave my life to God and decided that I wouldn’t go back down the road of questioning my worth again. But I did. Over and over and over again until one day, My sons father snatched my up in front of my son. I don’t think I ever seen him that mad. At that moment, I saw my grandmother being snatched up by my mother’s father, my mother being snatched by my father and now me. This cycle had to end. Last year, Aaron and I finally stopped trying to be in a relationship. The trust was gone, my self esteem was gone, the relationship was dead. I started a ministry for women ages 19-29 called Rubies based off of the Proverbs 31 women to let women know that no matter what you go through in life your value does not diminish in God’s eyes. It’s important to know your worth ! As I lead this ministry, I learn a lot about myself from these women. Together we study different women in the bible and compare their stories to our own. No longer do I question myself about whether or not I’m good enough. I am here because of the stories of my grandfather and my father’s abuse. I would have to say without those stories and the testimonies of my grandmother and mother I would not be the woman I am today. I decided to end the cycle of abuse and realize how much I am worth.
What are you going to do differently to raise your son to be the best man he can possibly be ?
My son, Isiah is surrounded by a bunch of great male role models (including his father). Just because his father was not/may not be ready for serious relationships does not take away how much he loves, provides and take care of our son. I also believe in praying over your children daily.
How can people find more information about your organization ?
Most information about Rubies can be found on our FB group page!
To learn more about Quaniyah’s organization, click the link above!