Don't Waste My Time: Letters to my Daughter


El tiempo que se va no vuelve.

A time that leaves never comes back.


Does that bother anyone else? Think about it for a second, though. You can NEVER retrieve time that has passed. You can reminisce and remind yourself of how you felt at any specific point in time, but to be physically in that space? Never again. Unless you watch Black Mirror, in which case we can definitely talk about that at another time. In some instances, this is a good thing. I can certainly think of a few blocks of time I don’t mind keeping locked away forever in the vault of life. But, I’m overcome with a sense of nostalgia when I think about never being able to see Lyla as a baby again, or not being able to be in the bar where I met my partner and see him with fresh eyes. Those moments that turn out to be so unforgettable can never be lived again.

I always wonder what the last thing someone did was before they passed, especially if they did so unexpectedly. On Instagram, I analyze their final post, or on Facebook their final status. I wonder if, when they look back at these things from wherever they are, they feel like, “Wow, that was a really great last moment.” Is that weird? Yeah, I think so too.

I guess I fear that my last moment on this earth isn’t going to be phenomenal, or that I will look back at the summation of my life and say, “You definitely could have done better, sis.” Maybe its because I’m 25 and having a quarter life crisis with the added pressure of being a superstar at everything with no real sense of direction. Whatever the cause is, I know one thing for sure: I hate wasting time.

Thinking about the idea that time spent is never returned, I can’t fathom wasting it on insignificant things or people. My quarter life crisis doesn’t hesitate to remind me that I’ve already wasted so much time. Sometimes I look back and feel ashamed of the person I was. I can’t believe her, so weak, unfocused, dependent. She lacked self-love, that poor girl. I wish I could snap her out of it, and I could if I would but – el tiempo que se va, no vuelve.

I like to think that we make mistakes so that our children can avoid them later on in the future. I do not want my daughter to be the woman I was ashamed of, and I look forward to teaching her how not to be, but for now, there are three things I want her to know. For those that want to stop wasting time – this is also for you, with a few affirmations to get you on your way.

1. Complacency is not a part of your vocabulary.

You must be so committed to being the best version of yourself that you understand this person right now is not 100% perfect, and that’s okay. This requires vulnerability, which doesn’t come naturally. We don’t like to believe that we are works in progress. It hurts our egos when others point out the shortcomings that come together to make up our beautiful character. Why? How beautiful is it that we are evolving? Stunning, if you ask me. Embrace the progress.

Affirmation: I am not complacent. I am continuously evolving into the person I’ve always wanted to be.

2. You are worthy – despite someone’s inability to see your value.


One more time for the people in the back...


You are whole by yourself. Do not search for someone to complete you, or to make up for the things you are “missing”. You are not “missing” anything. You are completely whole, despite the flaws. Those flaws are actually the pieces of your own puzzle that make you whole. Don’t waste time being everything for someone, when you can’t even be everything for you.

Who are you? What do you stand for? What makes your heart sing? Do more of that! Don’t like working out? Don’t! It doesn’t make you any less of a person. You are whole, by yourself.

Affirmation: I am whole by myself. I am using every opportunity to enrich my whole self.

3. Your time is valuable – spend it wisely.

Time is non-refundable. The most expensive mistake you can make is to pay attention to insignificant details. Today might suck, and tomorrow will be better – but the effort must come from you because the difference between a good day and a bad day is perspective. I often talk about living life off a timeline and always in a hurry to make it to the next step. Slow down. I wish I had slowed down. There is absolutely no reason to graduate in three years. Take a chill pill, and enjoy the ride.

Write down your goals and be conscious about achieving them – this is what makes your time valuable. I personally write down my New Year’s goals because it helps keep me accountable. I tape them in my planner, and every week I track my progress to achieving those goals by inserting little steps I can take every day. It helps me cut down the time I spent scrolling my timeline and increase the time I spent reading a book to meet my two books a month quota. Hold yourself accountable for your progress. You and only you are responsible for the person you become, make yourself proud.

Affirmation: I am taking advantage of each and every opportunity to make my journey fruitful. I am holding myself accountable for being my best self.

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Stop wasting time. A year from now, five years from now, on our deathbed, we won’t remember that our supervisor was being a jerk, or that we don’t have flat stomachs. What we will remember is time. Time with our loved ones, as well as the time we spent with ourselves. Are you going to feel like you transformed into the person you wish you were? Did you feel complete within yourself? Have you made sure that the time you spent was worth it? Live in the NOW. Make yourself proud NOW. Do the things you love NOW. Become the person you’ve always wanted to be NOW because remember, el tiempo que se va, no vuelve. A time that leaves never comes back.

To learn more about Destiny check her out on Instagram @Miss.Destino on Twitter @MissDestino and check her website





Bri'Ann StephensComment