Beauty in the Breakdown- Discovering Sex at 6 Years Old
As a child, I always had fun. My cousins and I would always find something to do. We made up our own games and we would have the time of our lives playing whatever. I remember getting on our bikes and riding down to the nearest bayou and collecting shells. We would buy blank cassette tapes, and record ourselves as if we were radio personalities and playback our radio shows. We would grab sheets of paper and pens and see who could create the best rap. Our living room was huge! We would grab comforters and roll each other up inside of them and see if we could stand up and hop around. There was a trampoline in the backyard, we'd jump and do flips all day. Late at night we would play "ninjas" (see previous blog). My aunt had all of the Disney movies! During Christmas, we always had two! We would all gather in the living room on Christmas Eve. All of the adults would buy presents for all of the children. We would sit in a circle while they handed us the gifts one by one. It would be 10-12 to every one child. It was great.
Some of my older cousins were teenage boys and of course like every other teenage boy—they think of sex. There was a neighbor down the street whose dad had a bunch of porn videos on VHS. My cousins would somehow end up with the videos and during the summer while our parents were working we would watch the videos. I was 6-7 years old watching porn as if it were movies with entire storylines—well they were movies with storylines. I would be watching really intense videos not really getting anything out of it, however I was enjoying watching it. I never received any sexual feelings, I can just remember being really interested in the videos. I also remember being scared to say anything to my mom. For some reason, I was convinced I would get in trouble for watching porn. I was supposed to, "not say anything."
It wasn't until I got a little older that I actually wanted to put into practice what I had watched a child. When I say older, I mean 9-10. I was in 4th grade when I first received an orgasm. I didn't think much of the porn at 6 but the older I got, the more curious I became. I always wanted to reach a higher peak when it came to sex because I started so young. Which lead to all of my experimenting as a became a teenager.
The beauty in that situation is that I can help girls who learn about sex young. I can lead them another way and remind them that sex isn't everything. Boys aren't everything. I will use my experience to save another young girl.