Men Are Trash: How My Boyfriend and I Became Relationship Goals in 24 Hours


By Bri’Ann Stephens

A couple of weeks ago there was a popular hashtag, #menaretrash. The hashtag represents men who sexualize, abuse, and discriminate against women amongst other things.

From my understanding, the hashtag wasn't meant to attack all men, but it did generalize the entire male gender. Which to me, is a contradiction. But as a woman, I understand it.

I didn't necessarily agree with the hashtag, but I did agree with the message. Some men can be extremely dehumanizing towards women – that's a fact. Those men, in fact, are trash.

Many women went to Twitter to protect the men in their life, arguing that not all men are trash. There were arguments all over Twitter for about 48 hours straight, all behind a hashtag.

I didn't give into the arguments or the discussion because I believe if the shoe fits wear it and if it doesn't, don't.

I have been robbed at gunpoint by men, molested by men, sexualized by men, and I didn't even meet my biological father until I was 17.

However, I have an amazing step father and an amazing boyfriend. So, in my case, the shoe doesn't fit. I have amazing men in my life. I know firsthand men can be trash. I also know first hand that not all men are trash.

I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half now. One of our first dates was a long walk in the park. We would sit on the phone all night and morning. We would write poetry to one another and he'd even paint for me. Our relationship has always been romantic. He loves to surprise me with little things and I usually never share those moments with social media.

Last week, he decided to surprise me with a card filled with 400 dollars and a cute note. The same day, I had just fallen asleep at about 8:30 a.m. so I was super tired. I didn't care to answer the phone, let alone open the door.

To my surprise, he wasn't trying to pester me, he was just being the romantic guy he is. My favorite part of the entire thing was the note he left me. A couple of weeks ago, I asked him to write me a haiku. It took him a couple of tries before he could get the 5-7-5 pattern. Once he finally got it, he sent me the cutest haiku. Well, the note on the inside of the card happened to be a haiku too! It was that moment I knew I wanted to share it with Twitter.

So far, we have received over 200 comments, 2.4k retweets, and 3.2k likes. I did not expect for Twitter to respond the way it did. Women all over fell in love with my boyfriend and our relationship. We begin receiving comments like "relationship goals" and "marry him." It was crazy.

To me, it was just another day in our relationship. To Twitter, my boyfriend is a unicorn, romance like this was rare.

My boyfriend is the greatest guy ever. I am extremely blessed to be with him. I am extremely blessed to be doing life with my best friend. We aspire to marry one another.

But, we are not perfect. We just argued the other day over movie tickets. We curse and yell at one another. We vow to not have sex and pray more, the same day we can't take our hands off each other. We fall short. We mess up. We aren't always happy with one another. It's not always easy. I am controlling. He is stubborn. Some days we contemplate giving up.

The only thing that keeps us going is God and the God we see in one another.

I once read something that said, "Don't get married because you think you've found ‘the one.’ But do get married when you see who God is making someone to be, and it lights you up. When you want to be apart of that story of transformation. That journey to the future. When you are well aware that it will be a long and bumpy ride, but you don't want to miss a mile. Because, you believe in God's calling on them and you want in."

I want to marry my boyfriend and he wants to marry me for all of those reasons. We know we aren't perfect and that is okay. We do not want to miss a mile.

Photo taken January 2016

Photo taken January 2016

We understand that our relationship now is strengthening us for a greater purpose –whether it be marriage, testimonies, or growth. Either way, we are here for the ride.

Do not have your eyes wide open for the romance of our relationship. You can't get what I have, without going through what I went through – and what I’m currently going through.

If you want a romantic boyfriend, be a romantic girlfriend. Be everything that you want for yourself! Love yourself the way you want to be loved and it will come. You will attract what you are.

Do not give up on men. I once did, but my boyfriend definitely proved to me that all men are not trash. I put my faith in God and He blessed me with more than I ever expected.

"Relationship goals" are whatever you want them to be. So, don’t be afraid to be your own relationship goals.

Want more of Bri? Follow her on Instagram, @briann.stephens.