Why You Keep Getting into Unhealthy Relationships & How to Fix

By Tyissha Joesph-Dottin

At a young age, my mother taught me some valuable lessons such as to never depend on a man and to love yourself unconditionally.

She was a single mother, raising two kids on her own. She had too much pride to ask others for help. She never felt the need to have a man by her side to make her feel complete, and I admire her for that. However, the most valuable lesson that she has taught me is to never allow a man to make you feel unworthy.

I strongly believe that a woman shouldn't reduce her standards to please anyone. She's the only one who knows her value and her worth.

A woman shouldn't settle for less than what she deserves.

The one person who loves you the most should be yourself – not a man. However, some of us are so desperate for love and affection that we are willing to let a man constantly berate us and we tolerate their unpleasant behaviors.

In fact, when you show a man that you're an emotionally vulnerable person, that's when the man sees you as a prey and will attempt to walk all over you because he knows he's the one who has the control over the relationship.

Sadly enough, some men are misogynistic pigs that bring down women to feed their ego.

Other men have witnessed their mother mistreated by their father, and assume those actions are acceptable, emulating the behaviors they have witnessed in their childhood.

We, as women, need to put our foot down and demand respect.

We already live in a world where women need to fight for equality and demand respect from their male counterparts, so we can't allow them to control our relationships too.

We also need to stop having high expectations for a man who has little to offer. Once we have requested several times for the person to change their behavior and satisfy our needs, if we don't see any results, the best thing we can do is move on.

There is absolutely no need to be fearful of abandonment. It might be hard, but in the long run, we'll find a person who truly deserves us.

Two Books for Women Struggling in Relationships
Recently, I have come across two phenomenal books that every woman struggling in a relationship should read. The first one is called Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood and the next one is Men Who Hate Women & The Women Who Love Them by Susan Forward.

The New York Times bestseller, Women Who Love Too Much has given women strength to learn about themselves and the numerous mistakes they have committed while they were in a relationship. The second book is for the women who lost themselves in their relationship and often take the blame for the problems in their relationship with their partner.

Some of us are hopeless and are too dependent on our partners. Some women allow these men to mistreat them by criticizing, battering or neglecting them. These two books will give women explanations on why they tend to gravitate or attract these men that are emotionally unavailable or unresponsive and why they continue to stay in these unhealthy relationships. 

I'm convinced that we shouldn't change who we are to please anyone. The love you have for yourself should be the greatest love of all. We need to learn how to embrace our flaws and imperfections, since that is what makes us beautiful.

Every day we should look at ourselves in the mirror and say a positive statement such as, “I love myself more than yesterday. You're beautiful, amazing and smart.”

As RuPaul will say, "If you can't love yourself, how the hell can you love someone else?"