Black Men: Black Women Are Worthy of Love Too
By Manuela Domingos
Not too long ago, I read a post from a man that outlined the reasons why he would only date women of any other race except black women. As you may have guessed, this person happened to be a black man. This wasn’t particularly anyone I knew, rather it was a post that had been circulating online and had received considerable backlash from readers, specifically from women of color.
Personally, I’m not going to repeat the statements that were made on this post, but it ranged from “she has real hair,” “she doesn’t get into tantrums,” and any other stereotypical statement you could possibly imagine that could be directed towards a black woman.
I’m not going to particularly respond to this specific post, as I consider it to be silly and naive, but rather I’m going to make general commentary on what I think about this topic based on experience and observations.
First, I do not think that there is anything wrong with interracial relationships. In fact, I think that any healthy, happy relationship, regardless of race, is a beautiful thing. In no way whatsoever, can I hold judgements on “who” I think should love each other or, what should be considered “socially acceptable” or “unacceptable.” Love simply has no color.
People are free to love who they want to love and should fall in love with whom they please.
However, my issues stem from people that have hidden agendas on wanting to date someone outside of their race, specifically because they feel like they will be “benefitted” in some shape or form. My dilemma is with those who view an interracial relationship as “superior.” This goes for any person wanting to date outside of their race because of twisted, stereotypical views of people within their own race. Often times, people that hold this view go as far as to completely exclude the possibility of a relationship with someone of their own race because of a) personal judgements that are often times weak and untrue or b) personal experience, which results into categorizing everyone else in the same box. I’ve particularly seen the latter reasoning the most.
As a black woman, I’m going to speak on black men.
In high school, my best friend was told from a black man that he couldn’t date black women because they were “too loud.” He also hinted that black women could be overly “dramatic.” Thus, he actively sought to find a woman of another race.
A cousin of mine, whom I love all too dearly, openly confessed that he only wants to date white women because he desires mixed kids and thinks that dating outside of his race would breed “beautiful kids.” I wish didn't have to particularly mention this, but for the purpose of this post I thought it was necessary.
So, what are the implications of this type of thinking?
We’re telling our sisters and our mothers that the color of their skin is not beautiful enough.
If this type of thinking is instilled in others or openly supported, we are telling our chocolate skin sisters and mothers that they are not beautiful enough. We are telling our younger sisters that the color of their skin “is less beautiful” and that another black man would not find her desirable.
We are creating an environment of hate and division.
When we box others into a “negative” category we are paving roads that lead to hurt, pain, and anger. This creates a divide in a community that should otherwise stand in solidarity. The last thing we need is to be divided amongst ourselves in a world that is already divided enough. Instead of downing each other, let us support and uplift one another.
We add to the problem of objectifying women.
When we are telling women that she is X, Y, Z because of the color of her skin, we are stripping away her values, her dignity, her intellectualism, her beauty, her power, and her uniqueness. We are telling her that because of a negative past, she is categorized as “one of them.” She has no identity; she is immediately boxed.
We lose our dignity.
A black man downing another black woman is a loss of dignity. It is a loss of respect.
I want everyone to understand that this goes both ways. This doesn’t just apply to black men, but to black women as well. This goes both ways.
Know your intentions, know your worth, and create an environment of peace. Don’t add to the problem. Be the solution to the problem.
Keep up with Manuela on Instagram, @_manuelad!