Dear Mr. Good Intentions
By Jaunyce Priester
I am writing to you from the other side. I cannot share all of our secrets, but maybe I can demystify a little of what’s going on over here.
From what I hear, a good bit of you are weary, or very close to it. I understand where you are, I sincerely do. But being in this place looks different for the both of us, though many times the events leading us here are very similar.
I want you to know that we see you. But we don’t always know if the you we see is who you really are.
We see you open the door as we walk through it. We see you wait outside in the car until we are safe inside. We see the concern in your eyes when we seem the least bit unlike ourselves. We see you when you smile politely to other girls but squeeze our hand to reassure us that you are happy with your choice. We see you asking us on dates and not just to hang out. We see you not pressuring us to be in a relationship we may not be ready for. We see you.
The sad thing is that we’ve most likely never seen this before, or we’ve seen it and all at once we saw it fade. Before there was you, there was another man; our fathers, our friends, our ex boyfriends or ex husbands. These men have shaped our thoughts on what interacting with you will result in.
It’s not your responsibility to be what these men have not been, or to heal what they may have broken. However, it is our hope that you will be patient with us as Jesus renews our minds and heals our hearts.
I’d love to say that is the only thing you are up against when it comes to us, but it isn’t. We’ve put more thought than we should have into how you’ll look, what you’ll be like, how we’ll meet, what we hope you will say when you first encounter us, and how good you’ll look in a tux.
Who we meet is never who we imagined (this is not a bad thing), and it takes us some time to divorce our fantasy. Honestly, some of us never do. We hold onto this idea, this dream. What I have come to realize is that my fantasy embodies perfection, while you embody imperfection. I know that sounds terrible, but I believe imperfection is the breeding ground for unconditional love. Unconditional love is a love that transforms both the heart that gives and receives it. And when I look closely at who I am, I am just as imperfect.
This probably leaves you no closer to understand why you are still single. I am sorry I do not have a more concrete answer.
But, I do know this. You cannot get into heaven based on good intentions. I don't think you can get to my heart that way either. Being good does not make you holy, neither does being good make you the right choice for me.
The gift of heaven is accessed through a relationship with Jesus. Relationship is the key. I believe that may be your answer.
I can hear you now, "Jaunyce, that's the problem, I can’t get a relationship."
Well, I think you can, I just don't think it looks the way you thought it did.
I believe first and foremost that your relationship with Jesus must be the most important. If your heart does not belong to Him, you will never see the beauty of the heart that He has given me.
Just as important as your relationship with Jesus, is your relationship with yourself. If you do not love you, you will never truly have the capacity to love me.
If you do not have grace for your areas of weakness or compassion for your own heart, it will be nearly impossible for you to extend either of those things to me.
Jesus’ second commandment was to love our neighbor as ourselves (Mark 12:31, Matthew 22:39).
Translation: You can only love others to the degree in which you love yourself.
Do not mistake kindness for love. Kindness is most often found in moments of peace and happiness. Love is most apparent in the ugly moments.
In all honesty, I don’t have anymore answers than you do.
What I do understand is that if we both give up, it will not bode well for either of us.
So please take all that I have shared into consideration. I don’t know if your next time will be any better than the last. I sincerely hope it is, I am sure you learned something from the last time.
But I do know that neither of us will know what it can be unless we take another risk. This time, let’s make sure we have Jesus in it with us.
Please do not fix me, just be patient with me. My heart is in the hands of its sustainable source, so in time it will be ready to encounter yours. When it does it will never require more of you than is necessary, because it is whole in Jesus Christ.
I should also let you know that this time it won’t be given away with such haste.
My heart is precious, so please understand it’s worth fighting for.
Keep up with Jaunyce on Instagram, @JaunyceNichole