Why “Untitled Relationships” May Be Hindering You from Finding the Right Person
By Manuela Domingos
I recall a period of time before reaching my early twenties when my friends and I made a conscious decision to not try to get into a “serious” relationship.
My best friend vowed that she only wanted casual flings, and nothing but casual flings. It was the age of “talking” which to be honest, I’ve always had mixed feelings about. More so confused, since the phrase seemingly had too many meanings.
You’re allowed to kiss someone you’re “talking” to; you have all the benefits of a relationship, yet at the end of the day the only word you can use to describe the relationship you have with that person is “talking?”
At the time, it didn’t truly matter. Although these questions truly burned my mind.
We were just concerned about meeting “cute” guys, afraid of missing out on endless possibilities, which in hindsight weren’t too promising.
Now I’m 21, and I’m constantly told by some people not to get too caught up worrying about meeting the right person, to enjoy life and to date casually.
Every time I take a trip to my hairstylist, she is constantly baffled by my singleness and my inability to date more than one person at a time.
“Girl, if I had a body like yours, I’d be having so much fun right now. When I was your age...” she constantly says.
To be honest, none of this sounds appealing to me.
Before I continue, I want to clarify: meeting people, going out on dates, and getting to know someone in hopes of a promising relationship is quite different from meeting people, going on dates, hooking up, investing time and energy in “untitled” relationships and dealing with jealousy from someone who is not even considered your significant other.
We’ll continue to refer to the latter as “untitled” relationships, and there are too many of them.
People are increasingly stuck in limbo about whether or not they want to officially tie the knot in fear that a commitment might just ruin whatever they have, hinder “other possibilities” and distract from life circumstances.
Naturally, it may be the case that someone who has just come out of a relationship would not be too eager to jump right into another one. But because an untitled relationship is title-less, you get all the benefits of an actual relationship, you’re not obligated to call the other person your girlfriend or boyfriend, and you can happily sleep with someone else if the opportunity presented itself and if your heart truly desired.
Sounds like Christmas right?
Only problem is that jealousy, envy, and emptiness doesn’t sound too fun.
When you’re “talking” to someone, if you’re jealous, you can’t be jealous since it wasn’t official to begin with; so you’re either forced to remain silent in your own misery or move on.
Often times, women are especially susceptible to run back to these “untitled” relationships. Loneliness, insecurity, and boredom are often the symptoms that cause women to stay in these lackluster relationships.
Some of these people that entertain these types of relationships are the same people that complain about there not being enough “good guys” or “good women” out there.
I also want to point out that relationships like these might work for some people.
If you’re completely okay with an untitled relationship, an open relationship, or casually sleeping with different people at a time, then do whatever works for you. I am not downing another person’s lifestyle or way of living.
I recognize that we are heterogeneous people with different mindsets, and one sole way of life might not be ideal for everyone.
I am just speaking from personal experience and observations, and It does not work.
No matter how much you try to wish that an “untitled” relationship might turn into something, chances are if you are waiting that long, it may never become anything.
A healthy relationship holds no exclusions. There’s no uncertainty or blindness.
These things only hinder you from your best self and finding someone in your life that you may grow and build with.
When you’re stuck in timeless, uncertain “untitled” relationships, you’re left in a dark sea with no light, unsure of the next step.
Often times we are too busy drowning, we miss the boat that passes us by. Don’t be that person that misses a great opportunity to be loved and cherished for who you are because you’re too busy worrying about someone who can’t even present you to their family.
Many people may say that at 21, I’m too young to understand and that your twenties are the time to explore. But I’ve decided to make the conscious decision to respect my body, my mind, and my growth.
I’ll open the door to whoever is worthy enough to respect me and grow with me.
For the meantime, I’ll wait.
Keep up with Manuela on Instagram, @_manuelad!