My First Boyfriend After 8 years of Lesbianism
By Bri'Ann Stephens
Just this time last year I was in an unhealthy relationship with a woman I planned to be with for the rest of my life. So how did I end up here? The answer is simple. Faith. But before I talk about where I am now, I want to give you all a little knowledge about my past life.
I started dating women when I was 16, which was confusing to me at the time. I had fallen madly in love with my best friend and I couldn't clearly comprehend what was happening, which led me to believe I was bisexual. I didn't want to solely date women in fear that I would be judged by my friends. At the time homosexuality wasn't as "trendy" as it is today. I secretly dated my best friend and I would constantly remind myself, "You do not like women, you just like her." After transferring to a new high school shortly after our secret relationship started, I was introduced to a plethora of attractive women. My reminder soon went out of the window as girls found out I dated women and voiced their attraction to me. No longer did I care to have exclusive relationships with guys, I was more interested in women.
Fast forward to July 2015: 3 failed lesbian relationships, and "blank #" of girl on girl hook ups later, I found myself alone and lost. Due to circumstances, I was forced to move back home, so not only was a going through a break up but I had to deal with my parents. I remember crying an endless amount of tears and asking others for advice about what I should do. My relationship with God was never as personal as it is today. At the time, it was more of a family practice. After hitting rock bottom, I called my friend Ruth and her advice changed my life. Her advice was simple: "Stop asking others for advice." She told me to get to a quiet place and talk to God by myself. Cry. Fall to ground. Whatever I needed to do. I was unsure if it would change anything, but I was desperate. So I did it. For a month straight I locked myself in my room, praying, reading my bible, painting, writing poetry, listening to gospel music and Hozier to the point of joy. I found so much joy being alone. My happiness was no longer dependent on people or things, because I had nothing. My happiest came from finding God which led me to finding myself.
December 2015 I met an amazing guy, who also loves and pursues God. He asked me to be his girlfriend February 1st 2016 and I am the happiest I’ve ever been in a relationship. Although we have our struggles both separately and together, we keep God in the center so we always overcome everything that comes our way. It's only been 5 months since we met and we are both still learning about ourselves and one another, but with God anything is possible.
If you are a Christian struggling with your sexuality, and if you are anything like me believing that you will never be attracted to the opposite sex, trust that it is possible. My advice to you is the same advice that was given to me, isolate yourself, find God, and He will reveal to you who you really are.